Skeptophilia (skep-to-fil-i-a) (n.) - the love of logical thought, skepticism, and thinking critically. Being an exploration of the applications of skeptical thinking to the world at large, with periodic excursions into linguistics, music, politics, cryptozoology, and why people keep seeing the face of Jesus on grilled cheese sandwiches.

Friday, July 12, 2013

Poe's Law, chemtrails, and dying angels

Yesterday I ran into a site that is either the most extreme example of conspiracy theory insanity I've seen, or else one of the best examples of Poe's Law ever created.  I'm leaning toward the latter, especially given that the site's name is Hard Dawn (say it fast and you'll get it; a hint is that one of their links is titled, "How Should I Punish My Son for Masturbating?").

But an even better story is one titled "Are Militant Atheists Using Chemtrails to Poison the Angels in Heaven?"

In it, readers find out that we militant atheists have another agenda, besides seducing your women and bewitching your children (those are givens, after all):
Yet another theory that has been gaining traction and deserves serious consideration is that America’s massive science-industrial complex is attempting a most dangerous experiment. Since Lyndon Johnson’s presidency, we have seen a grave movement towards science-based strategic thinking in all forms of national policy. Whole swathes of government have been taken over by academic PhDs with an intense obsession with scientism. From the National Science Board to the Department of Education, from NASA to the National Institute of Standards, a powerful cadre of elite intellectuals is seizing control. A common thread amongst these activist bureaucrats is a love of science over God...

So what is at the heart of this secret society of globalist atheism? One of their most significant concerns is the power of Faith. They despise the Glory of Jesus and the hope that He brings to countless Americans. The atheists are so insanely dedicated to their obscene cult they will try just about anything to destroy every remnant of Christian Love on this earth. As this sickening obsession was wed to advances in aerial spraying technology in the last century, one can surmise the evil compound that resulted. In this formula, it seems quite logical that the atheist’s next step would be to attempt the widespread murder of Jesus’s very Heavenly Agents of Love.

Angels. They are much more than a Christian bedtime story. They are much more than the sweet flutterings in the ears of believers. Angels are quite literally the factory workers of faith. They are tireless and everywhere. They accomplish innumerable feats, from minor pangs of guilt to the throbbing passions of love. The angels are there to guide us, to inspire us and, ultimately, to remind us of our obligation to Jesus. The fly through the air at His beckoning. They are gentle and ever willing. We would be far less human and humane were it not for the angels. And that is exactly why atheists fear the power of angels.

Atheists shake with contempt at the thought of love and decency. Their whole lives are dedicated to nothingness, to the gaping void of pain that nihilism defines. Indeed, atheists love pain. They love pain in their sexual rituals, in their drug addictions and in their secret globalist power schemes. Why do we have war? It’s the atheists who spread contempt of God and invite such reckless notions of communism and Islam.

Will Atheistic Science Annihilate Love and Prayer?

As secret atheist scientists in government pursue their goals of undermining Jesus in America, it only stands to reason that they would take their battle to the skies. The aerial dogfight is likely a vicious one. Who knows what advances they have made since the days of DDT and Agent Orange. Yet fight on they do, every single day! Our heavens are coated in a thick aerosol haze of spiritual hate and this nation’s faith is sinking.
 I have only one thing to add to all of this:

BA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA *falls off chair*

Now, let me be up front that I think this is satire.  It's damn good satire, but still.  However, what makes my laughter ring a little hollow is the fact that this post had, when I looked at it, over three hundred comments... and most of those strike me as serious.

Really serious.  Like they believe this article.  Like they believe it vehemently enough to take action.  Here's a sampler, or at least as many as I could copy before I felt my IQ dropping down toward a level more commonly associated with shoe sizes.  Spelling and grammar are as written:
It would be just like Obama and his Nazi Muslim agenda to try to do soemthing like this.  When they elected him all thereal Americans with any sense knew what he was.  Now we're seeing the results.

Its going to be war in Heaven and war on earth.  Gods time is at hand.  Trust your soul to Jesus or die in agony!

Weather modification has been practiced for decades.  How do you think Katrina came about?  And Sandy?  You think those are NATURAL EVENTS?  Wake up!

The whole government is in secret run by the Illuminati with their atheist agenda to replace worshiping GOD with worshiping a manmade institution.  This is the Beast that was fortold in the Book of Revelation.  We have created the Beast.  It runs on money and spews out poison.  Is it any wonder that their trying to take away our guns?  The first step is disarm the citizens.  After that you can do anything you want and no one can stop you.

You will know them by their works.  Jesus weeps to see what you have done!
I... um... yeah.  Please reassure me that none of these people know where I live?

I guess that's the danger with satire, as I've pointed out before.  Even broad-brush satire, from a source that is well known to be satirical (such as The Onion), has fooled people (Xinhua and Pravda have both been bitten on the ass by Poe's Law, not once but several times).

But what's frightening is to think that there are people who are so angry, fearful, and indoctrinated that they would read an article like this, and think it was true.  Makes you wonder what else they're capable of, doesn't it?  It's a dangerous combination: a belief that the word of god is being subverted, a feeling of being in mortal danger, and a target group whom they have been brainwashed into thinking is responsible.  Not so far off from what the Nazis convinced people of, is it?

So, that's our dip in the deep end of the pool for this morning, which started out being funny and ended up being not so funny after all.  As for me, I'm going to get myself together and go canoeing.  I am not, for the record, going to attend any Secret Atheist Global Domination Meetings or engage in any Depraved Sexual Pain Rituals.  Canoeing, frankly, sounds more fun than either one of these.

UPDATE:  Apparently since last night, the Hard Dawn site has changed to being password-protected.  The site had been linked on the r/atheism subreddit, and perhaps the traffic was becoming too high.  But isn't that a little odd, if it is satire?  Wouldn't the writers of a satirical website be thrilled to have a sudden jump in their hit rate?  Hmmm.

ANOTHER UPDATE:  The site not only made r/atheism, it also made P. Z. Myers' wonderful blog Pharyngula.  Check out Myers' take on the website here.


  1. Apart from this most excellent piece of satire, I am beyond annoyed with being told to "WAKE UP!" by everyone with a crackpot theory on the internet. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, I've been drinking copious amounts of kool-aid. Kool-aid is apparently a poor choice of beverage. I should be drinking quad shots of espresso so I can "WAKE UP! STOP DRINKING THE KOOL-AID! START THINKING FOR YOURSELF! ...IN THAT YOU NEED TO BELIEVE THIS SUBJECTIVE, REGURGITATED GARBAGE I'M TELLING YOU!"

    Their vehemence is inversely proportional to how serious I take their ideas.

  2. Are Militant Atheists Using Chemtrails to Poison the Angels in Heaven? .... Or are they actually losing, dying off in plumes of jetliner butchery. angel courses